Bisaya Jokes

I have this college friend who keeps on sharing Filipino jokes to me. The jokes are really hilarious that I, almost always, find myself laughing in the office alone. Good Lord, why are Pinoy, especially, Bisaya jokes so funny?!

Okay, I am sharing them to you. Enjoy and do not laugh too loud.

****
D guy nluv w/ his gf. Wen they broke up, he can’t take it.
after 1 yr..
Its the girls b’day.
Guy: hello babes, i remembered ur birthday even f u hurt me..

D girl cried.
gurl: im sorry..Can i embrace u for the last time?
Guy: i love you so much. Here’s a card for you.
Gurl: thank you. I love you too Babes.
Guy: It was too late, bye..

And he ran away. Wen she open dat card,
It says: I miss u Babes. pls. visit my grieve, coz tomorrow is
my DEATH ANNIVERSARY. I commiTted SUICIDE d day u left me!
*****

” A LESS THAN”

bsta mga way ayo nga uyab!

ANgay..

“A LESS THAN”
*****

lami jud pminaw f nay ka “i luv u”

or f nay mg ask “ngkaon nka?”

pkapin “amping ha”labi na f nay mgsulti ug “i mis u”

bt f wla, don’t lose hope..pwd mn sad

i luv me
ngkaon nba me?
amping me!
i mis me!
wer na me?
naa na me!

SELF SUPPORT buh..pwd pah gni nobody, nobody but me! hahaa…
*****

Easiest ways to die:
Smoke a cigar daily… You’ll die 10 years early.
Have a drink daily… You’ll die 30 years early.

But love someone who doesn’t love you… You’ll die daily
*****

A bOy tOok a knifE & started writing his gf’s name On his arm…

sEveral minutes later..he started crying likE cRazy..

y??

paiN??nO!!

WRONG SPELLING…!!!
*****

BANA: tab-ang ang kape, bugnaw ang kan.on, lasaw ang sabaw! Unsaon mn pgkagana nato ini?

ASAWA: sobra nka ha! nireklamo ba ko gabii nga PARAT KAAYO IMONG ITLOG?
*****

Speaker: Who among u had xperience 2 have sex with a ghost?
(a farmer raises his hand)
Speaker: Really? How does it feel 2 have sex wd a ghost?
Farmer: Ai pastilan abi kog goats! Pastilan!
*****

Sa Math Class..

Tcher: kung naa koy 1 ka piraso nga karne ug 2ngaon nko, pila na ka piraso?
Buknoy: 2 mam!
Tcher: at kung 2ngaon pa nko preho?
B: 4 na mam!
T: 2ngaon pjud nko?
B: 8 na mam!
T:2ngaon pjudnko?
B:16 na mam!
T: 2ngaon pjud nko?
B:32 na mam!
T: kung 2ngaon pjud?
B: 64! (suko na)
T: ug 2ngaon pjud ug kduha?
B: Ipagaling nlng na mam ky malangan natah…
*****

Nasulayan na nako ang mahigugma ug biyaan,
Nasulayan sad nako ang mohilak ug masakitan,
Usa lang ang wala pa nako nasulayi…
Malibang nga mag dagan.
*****

If y0u d0n’t take g0od care of urself, we will take g0od care of y0u”..

-a reminder fr0m St. Peter’s Funeral H0mes-

“Ang iny0ng kamatay0n, am0ng kaugma0n”..
*****

Tul0 ka pin0y nga SEAMAN nga nagtrabah0 sa bark0, naghinamb0gay..

BOMIN: ang ak0ng l0lo, may0 kaay0 t0 nga mariner0, nakatuy0k na gud siya sa Pacific Ocean..

ISOY: ah! Wala ra na sa ak0ng l0lo mga abay kay nakalawig na siya sa red sea..
(day0n pangutana ngadt0 sa ikatul0ng seaman)
ikaw bay unsa man say im0?

POLONYO DAYOLA: ah! Lupig m0 bay! Mas banggiitan gyud t0ng ak0ng l0lo kay siyay nagpatay sa Dead Sea!!

HAHAHAHAHA!
*****

KANO: Isuroy ko sa CDO.
DRIVER: sige sir.
KANO: pila ka years gihimo ang Capiol Univirsity?
DRIVER: two years…
KAno:didto sa U.S 10 months lang na..
DRIVER: AH..
KANO: kanang cogon?
DRIVER: 1 year sir..
KANO: kaduay pud oi, didto sa U.S., 4 months lang na..
KANO: hmm. kanang Gaisano mall?
DRIVER: ambot, wala man na ganina.
*****

nagdamgo ko kagbie
break na daw me
grabe jud nakong hilaka
pagmata nko
kalit ko nakatawa
kalimot ko wa man diay koy uyab!
*****

Ngongo:mukha mu maputi!!
Asawa:hindi maputi and mukha ku
Ngongo:mukha mu maputi!!!
Asawa:di nga maputi ang mukha ko !!
Ngongo :ang abi ko mukha mu mabuti!!!

Anak Na Gising…..

Anak :Nay ,Buka mu daw mabuti sabi ni tatay…istorbo naman ohh !!
*****
Titser: verb is an action word, Juan give me an example.
Juan: went ma’am
Titser: very good use it in a sentence
Juan: Maria go went to town
Titser: wrong kung mugamit ka ug go wala na yang went
Juan: ma’am kanang Go apilyedo mana ni Maria

PAGKA BOLOKIS NGA TITSER!
*****

Titser: Kinzay guz2 moad2 sa langit? (tnan nitaas sa kmot,c pedro wla)
Titser: Ngano di mn ka pedro?
Pedro: Paulion kog sayo ni mama mam! hehehe
*****

Pari: Mahaw ta sister! Naa koy SHABU!
Madre: Ha? Unsa man na?
Pari: Shampurado ug buwad, ba! O, gus2 kag timo2x? Diay Pante!
Madre: Ha? Unsa man pud na?
Pari: Pandesal ug sikwate! hehe
Madre: BUTO lay ako!
Pari: Ha? ka bad gud nimo sister!
Madre: Kaw maoy bad! Bugnaw Tubig ba! hahahaha
*****

May nakakita sa akin sa dalampasigan,
malungkot at ng-iisa.
Sabi nya: “Kung mahal mo cya, bkit di mo ipadama?”
Sumagot ako, “Mahal sa imong mata, NAG-OUTING ME, NABILIN ko!”
*****

DRIVER: Dong, iatras nako ang jep, ingna ko palihug kung mabangga.
BATA: Ok! Cge atras! Atras pa! Cge pa! Atras gyud! Kana.
“BAAAANNGGGG!!!! OK! ..BAngga na!
DRIVER: YAWA!!!
*****

Sa laki ng earth,dba nakakatawa na nagkikilala tayo?

At sa dinami-dami ng mga tao, dba nakakapagtaka kung bakit tayo pinagtagpo?

Sabi kasi ni Lord,”Bazta mga KWANGGOLON,angay tapukon!”
*****

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer interested?

Student: A teacher!

Teacher: Yati ha! Get one whole sheet of manila paper long quiz back to back!!
****

Bata: Lord,give us this day our daily bread with ham,egg and cheese,french fries,salad on the side.
Ginoo:(Nitubag) Day, pagsure uy! Ga-ampo ka or ga-order?
*****

GIRL: manong, can you get my bagahe please? it’s like mabigat kasi eh.
KONDUKTOR: Alin dito miss?
GIRL: there oh! yong SAKO! Please pAki ingat lang kasi if it falls to da ground mahirap magpulot..ng “KOFRAS”

YABAG!
****

Check out more Bisaya and Filipino jokes in our archives.