Bisaya Jokes

Okay, I am sharing them to you. Enjoy and do not laugh too loud.

****
D guy nluv w/ his gf. Wen they broke up, he can’t take it.
after 1 yr..
Its the girls b’day.
Guy: hello babes, i remembered ur birthday even f u hurt me..

D girl cried.
gurl: im sorry..Can i embrace u for the last time?
Guy: i love you so much. Here’s a card for you.
Gurl: thank you. I love you too Babes.
Guy: It was too late, bye..

And he ran away. Wen she open dat card,
It says: I miss u Babes. pls. visit my grieve, coz tomorrow is
my DEATH ANNIVERSARY. I commiTted SUICIDE d day u left me!
*****

” A LESS THAN”

bsta mga way ayo nga uyab!

ANgay..

“A LESS THAN”
*****

lami jud pminaw f nay ka “i luv u”

or f nay mg ask “ngkaon nka?”

pkapin “amping ha”labi na f nay mgsulti ug “i mis u”

bt f wla, don’t lose hope..pwd mn sad

i luv me
ngkaon nba me?
amping me!
i mis me!
wer na me?
naa na me!

SELF SUPPORT buh..pwd pah gni nobody, nobody but me! hahaa…
*****

Easiest ways to die:
Smoke a cigar daily… You’ll die 10 years early.
Have a drink daily… You’ll die 30 years early.
…
But love someone who doesn’t love you… You’ll die daily
*****

A bOy tOok a knifE & started writing his gf’s name On his arm…

sEveral minutes later..he started crying likE cRazy..

y??

paiN??nO!!

WRONG SPELLING…!!!
*****

BANA: tab-ang ang kape, bugnaw ang kan.on, lasaw ang sabaw! Unsaon mn pgkagana nato ini?

ASAWA: sobra nka ha! nireklamo ba ko gabii nga PARAT KAAYO IMONG ITLOG?
*****

Speaker: Who among u had xperience 2 have sex with a ghost?
(a farmer raises his hand)
Speaker: Really? How does it feel 2 have sex wd a ghost?
Farmer: Ai pastilan abi kog goats! Pastilan!
*****

Sa Math Class..

Tcher: kung naa koy 1 ka piraso nga karne ug 2ngaon nko, pila na ka piraso?
Buknoy: 2 mam!
Tcher: at kung 2ngaon pa nko preho?
B: 4 na mam!
T: 2ngaon pjud nko?
B: 8 na mam!
T:2ngaon pjudnko?
B:16 na mam!
T: 2ngaon pjud nko?
B:32 na mam!
T: kung 2ngaon pjud?
B: 64! (suko na)
T: ug 2ngaon pjud ug kduha?
B: Ipagaling nlng na mam ky malangan natah…
*****

Nasulayan na nako ang mahigugma ug biyaan,
Nasulayan sad nako ang mohilak ug masakitan,
Usa lang ang wala pa nako nasulayi…
Malibang nga mag dagan.
*****

If y0u d0n’t take g0od care of urself, we will take g0od care of y0u”..

-a reminder fr0m St. Peter’s Funeral H0mes-

“Ang iny0ng kamatay0n, am0ng kaugma0n”..
*****

Tul0 ka pin0y nga SEAMAN nga nagtrabah0 sa bark0, naghinamb0gay..

BOMIN: ang ak0ng l0lo, may0 kaay0 t0 nga mariner0, nakatuy0k na gud siya sa Pacific Ocean..

ISOY: ah! Wala ra na sa ak0ng l0lo mga abay kay nakalawig na siya sa red sea..
(day0n pangutana ngadt0 sa ikatul0ng seaman)
ikaw bay unsa man say im0?

POLONYO DAYOLA: ah! Lupig m0 bay! Mas banggiitan gyud t0ng ak0ng l0lo kay siyay nagpatay sa Dead Sea!!

HAHAHAHAHA!
*****

KANO: Isuroy ko sa CDO.
DRIVER: sige sir.
KANO: pila ka years gihimo ang Capiol Univirsity?
DRIVER: two years…
KAno:didto sa U.S 10 months lang na..
DRIVER: AH..
KANO: kanang cogon?
DRIVER: 1 year sir..
KANO: kaduay pud oi, didto sa U.S., 4 months lang na..
KANO: hmm. kanang Gaisano mall?
DRIVER: ambot, wala man na ganina.
*****

nagdamgo ko kagbie
break na daw me
grabe jud nakong hilaka
pagmata nko
kalit ko nakatawa
kalimot ko wa man diay koy uyab!
*****

Ngongo:mukha mu maputi!!
Asawa:hindi maputi and mukha ku
Ngongo:mukha mu maputi!!!
Asawa:di nga maputi ang mukha ko !!
Ngongo :ang abi ko mukha mu mabuti!!!

Anak Na Gising…..

Anak :Nay ,Buka mu daw mabuti sabi ni tatay…istorbo naman ohh !!
*****
Titser: verb is an action word, Juan give me an example.
Juan: went ma’am
Titser: very good use it in a sentence
Juan: Maria go went to town
Titser: wrong kung mugamit ka ug go wala na yang went
Juan: ma’am kanang Go apilyedo mana ni Maria

PAGKA BOLOKIS NGA TITSER!
*****

Titser: Kinzay guz2 moad2 sa langit? (tnan nitaas sa kmot,c pedro wla)
Titser: Ngano di mn ka pedro?
Pedro: Paulion kog sayo ni mama mam! hehehe
*****

Pari: Mahaw ta sister! Naa koy SHABU!
Madre: Ha? Unsa man na?
Pari: Shampurado ug buwad, ba! O, gus2 kag timo2x? Diay Pante!
Madre: Ha? Unsa man pud na?
Pari: Pandesal ug sikwate! hehe
Madre: BUTO lay ako!
Pari: Ha? ka bad gud nimo sister!
Madre: Kaw maoy bad! Bugnaw Tubig ba! hahahaha
*****

May nakakita sa akin sa dalampasigan,
malungkot at ng-iisa.
Sabi nya: “Kung mahal mo cya, bkit di mo ipadama?”
Sumagot ako, “Mahal sa imong mata, NAG-OUTING ME, NABILIN ko!”
*****

DRIVER: Dong, iatras nako ang jep, ingna ko palihug kung mabangga.
BATA: Ok! Cge atras! Atras pa! Cge pa! Atras gyud! Kana.
“BAAAANNGGGG!!!! OK! ..BAngga na!
DRIVER: YAWA!!!
*****

Sa laki ng earth,dba nakakatawa na nagkikilala tayo?

At sa dinami-dami ng mga tao, dba nakakapagtaka kung bakit tayo pinagtagpo?

Sabi kasi ni Lord,”Bazta mga KWANGGOLON,angay tapukon!”
*****

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking even when people are no longer interested?

Student: A teacher!

Teacher: Yati ha! Get one whole sheet of manila paper long quiz back to back!!
****

Bata: Lord,give us this day our daily bread with ham,egg and cheese,french fries,salad on the side.
Ginoo:(Nitubag) Day, pagsure uy! Ga-ampo ka or ga-order?
*****

GIRL: manong, can you get my bagahe please? it’s like mabigat kasi eh.
KONDUKTOR: Alin dito miss?
GIRL: there oh! yong SAKO! Please pAki ingat lang kasi if it falls to da ground mahirap magpulot..ng “KOFRAS”

YABAG!
****
I will post more soon.

Facebook Message

Facebook wrote:

It seems wrong that an email message from your best friend gets sandwiched between a bill and a bank statement. It’s not that those other messages aren’t important, but one of them is more meaningful. With new Messages, your Inbox will only contain messages from your friends and their friends. All other messages will go into an Other folder where you can look at them separately. If someone you know isn’t on Facebook, that person’s email will initially go into the Other folder. You can easily move that conversation into the Inbox, and all the future conversations with that friend will show up there.

So how will you find the “Other” folder?

1. Log-in and go to your profile.

2. Click on “Messages” on the sidebar. This will open your inbox and show all your messages. Also, this will prompt “Other” folder to appear below “Messages”.

Where Facebook Hides Messages

3. Click “Other” and you will see the rest of the messages you probably haven’t read yet.

Did you just miss an important message?

My Turf Ads

According to Myturfads website:

MyTurf is the only company that unites the geographic presence of local internet providers with advertisers and publishers to deliver hyper local, high value ad content.

Whether you’re a Publisher, Internet Provider or Advertiser, MyTurf puts you in better control of your turf, by directly linking you to the local consumer.

Unlike other so called, hyper local services that have to rely on consumer privacy invasive methods, MyTurf’s AdValue Platform dramatically improves the accuracy and value of consumer online advertising by delivering relevant, meaningful hyper localized content without compromising privacy.

So basically, the wireless ISP provider allowed MyTurf ads to strip out all Adsense units on my sites and to overlay their own. MyTurfads claims that it will localized and deliver relevant ads, which is not true. All ads that appeared on my “education” blog is about Proactive products. Adsense used to give much more relevant ads!

Is this legal at all? Why is MyTurfads reaping the fruits of my websites’ contents? All the high traffic I get is useless if MyTurfads, which I do not have an agreement with, is getting all the ad clicks — yes, getting a free advertising space!

Google Adsense monetization goes down the drain if all wireless ISP providers will allow companies like MyTurfads to intercept the ads.

What do you think of this?

Sample Chitika Map

Chitika Maps is free to use!

I will be implementing the new feature soon. Check out the demo here.

Facebook Spam Attack

According to Graham Cluley, a consultant with Web security firm Sophos, said that “explicit and violent” images included not just hardcore porn but photoshopped images of celebrities, including teen pop star Justin Bieber, in sexual positions; “extreme violence;” and at least one image of an abused dog. Oh, was there a naked grandma as well?

Labeling them as spams took time as I had to do it one by one. I had the feeling that friends on my list were clicking the links from their walls and unknowing to them, the links with offensive content will be shared to their friends’ walls. With friends numbering to over 2000, imagine how many times I have to delete each popping porn-and-gore spam.

According to USA Today:

At the center of these sort of attacks is a technique called clickjacking. These fake links pose as regular Facebook posts, often coming from friends we would normally trust to only post good links. When clicked, a JavaScript command is executed, causing a user’s computer to perform a program that spreads the link even farther.

These posts can do more than spread on Facebook. They often come armed with malware, which is dropped on the user’s computer when clicked.

Malware can often perform other dangerous tasks on our computers such as gaining access to our personal information and passwords.

Who perpetrated the attack? Facebook did not comment on the people responsible for it.

Just this week, posts around Facebook have been circulated that the Filipinos were behind the spam links and pornographic materials.

Mark Zuckerberg – CEO of Facebook released an online statement regarding the spreading porn pics and spams. Released November 16, 2011 9PM Pacific Time Zone.

The porn attacks originated in the Philippines and are being published by Filipinos all over Facebook, our experts here at Facebook are doing everything they can to stop it from spreading any further (outside the Philippines) and to eliminate the porn and spam threat completely which have been causing other Facebook users ‘a hard time’. Filipinos should also be vigilant and report any spam links and pornographic materials. 41% of Facebook members around the world are aged 12-17 years old, we cannot be exposed to this kinds of things through Facebook. If this continues and more spams keep being posted, we will have no choice but to ban Philippine users from using Facebook. We at Facebook will not tolerate outlandish behavior and indecency.

Please be reminded that this has to stop, Filipinos!

But this message is a complete hoax. Mark Zuckerberg has made no such statement.

PCWorld reported that Facebook already identified the attackers but they never divulged the name/s.

In a statement released to media outlets, Facebook said that its dedicated enforcement team “has already identified those responsible and is working with our legal team to ensure appropriate consequences follow.”

If indeed the attack originated from the Philippines, I don’t think Mark Zuckerberg will foolishly ban the entire country from using the social network and lose over 23 million Filipino users. The Philippines is at no. 7 in terms of the most number of FB users (23,446,700 as of April 2011) among over 200 countries.

So to those who ever read the hoax message, please do not repost it. The problem is, there are so many ignorant (sorry for the word) Filipinos who don’t do a quick search first and instead easily reposting the message on their walls. This of course could lead to alarm and unfair blame.

Please DO NOT REPOST THE FAKE MESSAGE! Instead, post how your friends could get rid of the spams.

I don’t think Facebook has completely eliminated the issue. I just saw one naked lady on my FB wall this morning.

If in case you get the porno pictures, click the arrow to the right of the post and choose “report story or spam.” Let Facebook know about it.

And one last thing, never ever click a link or a picture when in doubt — even if it comes from a friend. If you can’t help it, private message your friend first and clarify the validity of the link or picture. It is better to be safe than be a sorry victim of a spam.