If you have nothing to do in life, don’t kill yourself, please.
Strange thing, this surprising thirst for invisibility. For the past weeks, in those bouts of endless displeasure, a cloud hovered over this lonely head and sprinkled it with drops of desire to be part of the unseen, to be the mysterious guy that humanity couldn’t see or feel. Amongst pickets of work and subject requirements, and everlasting streams of tasks to surmount, this eerie sense to dissolve like wheezing smoke is ever-seething akin to tireless amber in the euphoria of rage.
To be unremembered like old yellowed greeting cards. To greet the daybreak with absolute blankness of friends’ names and humane sensations. To walk along Brookings alleys and not observe replicas of my sequestered abyss. To skim through sunup and sunset, masked, unspoken; nothing but worthless imaginings and giggles boomeranging inside of me like aimless sparrows in grandpa’s serene fields of dozy corns. Many a times, I craved for invisibility so as to shake off lonely instances.
As an international student, so far away from home, life would, in unexpected situations, usher more gloomy moments than much-needed breathes of comforts. If you had gone through what I mentioned above, here is a piece of advice: when lonesome times pester you, run and spread your arms in the middle of cornfields, raise your head to the heavens and reflect of invisibility; only then you can be free of anything. Only then you would triumph in the cruel encounter of remoteness.
Never declare a ceasefire. Don’t quit. When trapped in the binding curse of a lifeless day, try to square the why, the how and then wage war against the adversary even if sometimes the situation looks so dim and hopeless. In times that I am affected and my faith flickers to some extent, I fight back. Human as I am, I admit, disenchantment could hurl inscrutable terrains direct to my heart. But then again, I fight back and keep my pecker up.
Next, don’t even blink or show a sign of such distinctive gesture. Instead, hold a solid gaze and never permit yourself to lose. Loneliness is the fly you whacked on the table. Loneliness is the lady bug you flattened on your way out of the house. Just picture all those and bask in your cute triumphs. The eye of loneliness, I tell you, can be pierced by a no.2 HB pencil and you’d never ever feel sorry killing it.
When you wake up each morning and you feel like crying, cry. Even great warriors could get wounded in the fight and they also drop their swords and cry for just a while. So dedicate a 5-minute crying session if need be. However, always remember that optimism about life must dwell in your every morning.
Fact is, it is hard to be miles away from home. Yet, life teaches you and me how to love our subdued spaces, how to soothe all the hasty blizzards in our torn hearts, how to appreciate today, the coming days and all the events in between, wherever we may be.
There is never a rose without the prick. Most importantly, life is so beautiful, so don’t ever, ever waste it, please.
Note: Published in my Collegian column.